Humour

Tracey and the Boar

An apology to Tracey Emin for the rhyme ‘Not Feeling Tracey’s Badger’

written with unwisdom on the train home from

the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition…

 

hands up

Tracey and the Boar

 

I woke this morn regretting it

Saying Tracey’s Owl is s**t!

With one mean and sarky jerk

I cast aspersions on her work

The opinion that I hold of Tracey:

Brave and bold and rather racy

I’m just jealous of her balls

And that she has her stuff on walls

The girl’s been doing it for years

Painting truth through joy and tears

An artist’s path is long and rough

What right have I to knock her stuff?

The animals were pretty cute

(I swear I heard the Owl hoot)

Hands up, Tracey, I repent

For you are truly Eminent

*

If I were Tracey I would draw

This sorry poet as a Boar

by Gail

 

Performance Poetry

Is it cool to review yourself?  Probably not…

Performance Poetry

 *

Mad gladiator

Tossing herself to lions

Armed with only wit

 *

Disinhibited

“Titties” brought out for the lads

In verbal foreplay

 *

Lyrical satire

Like pencils sharped for pricking

Holes in lead balloons

*

From naughty corner

More by wine amused than rhyme

A shadow giggles

*

The tumbleweed blows

Words settle on silent ground

With one hand clapping

*

The poet’s cloak hides

Shoulders warm and broad enough

To quiver with mirth

 *

by Gail

Out of Line

Regarding the alleged naughtiness of Lord Sewel, former Deputy Speaker of the House of Lords and Chair of the Privileges and Conduct Committee…

 

Out of Line

“Order, order!” he shouted “We’re all out of line”

“I’ll see to that” quoth the whore

“And if you’re a good boy we’ll do three in a bed,

You can snort off my titties and more”

Oh silly old Sewel you poor addled old fool

So clearly misguided and randy

That the question of cash and the secretive flash

Were obscured in a cloud of nose candy

 

 

by Gail

 

Tree Humour

A gentleman from The Devizes Issue website has well and truly Punned me in response to this photograph…

green light quakers walk

*

My response adapts an old English rhyme about ashes and oaks, splashes and soaks and also the phrase

“Mighty oaks from little acorns grow”

*

Tree Humour

One joke about ash might be comedy cash

Bash on about oak and leave comedy broke

Tree humour: a) corny but b) each to his own

For the mightiest joke from a seedling is grown

*

by Gail

Fair Game

seeing red...

 

 *

Tally ho boys, sound the horn

The fox is on the run

Who let the dogs out

On a killing spree for fun

Tally ho boys, we’re entitled

We few, we happy band

To terrorise your wildlife

As we trample on your land

*

From the hedge a wordsmith

Chuckles with defiance

Cropping out the ‘orsie’

From the ‘Countrysidealliance’

* 

by Gail

Punland

The arrival of Poundland in Devizes is a Big Issue…

Local Witsmith David Young created this photograph which inspired my verse

Punland by David Young

Punland

*

Oh Punland has come to Devizes

It’s handy and cheaper than chips

Buy one liners in various sizes

Pay a quid for a handful of quips

*

Pop in there and knock off a quick one

The banter is simply top shelf

The punch line – look after your penis

And your pun will look after itself

 *

 by Gail

Faffing About On Facebook

 

I’m faffing about on Facebook

Been avoiding it for years

What began as curiosity will

Doubtless end in tears

Hear no speak no see no

Evil learned in conversation

All that knowledge lost in

Two dimensional translation

Like me, share me, follow

All my kittens, quips and poops

See the same old tired threads

Go round and round in loops

Hang out on my home page

Scroll me up and down

Watch my ego on the prowl

Go trolling round the town

Some nights I sit upon my hands

All mischievous and itchy

In order to prevent myself

From posting stuff that’s bitchy

Big Brother sure is watching you

As are the crass and haters

Dark agent provocateurs

And dodgy mass debaters

What price anonymity when

You join the cyber race

Check out your reflection

Mirrored in this interface

Be careful what you wish for

For you may regret you’ve said it

Words that carry on the wind

Can go too far to edit

More human than divine is this

Our need for validation

Best to drink this heady wine

With cautious moderation

Pictures paint a thousand words

In galleries of minions

Words spoken once may be twice shy

Put thought before opinions

Don’t forget the Golden Mean

Steer clear of lie and rumour

And when your birds come home to roost

Accept them with good humour

I’ve been faffing about with Facebook

And I know that I’ll regret it

Nuclear power, for good or ill

… I guess I kind of get it

*******

by Gail