Guilty Tory Crush; Kenneth Clarke

for Jemma Brown

 *

Alas, alack, I am undone, upon my cheek a raging flush

For I’ve discovered, oh what fun, I have a guilty Tory crush

You’d think, you would, a girl like me, a wafty lefty sort of bint

Would fain bestow her fancy free on someone of a redder tint

 …

On Dennis Skinner, him, perhaps, or Livingstone, you might presume

Or younger, pinker, backbench chaps, some decades nearer to the womb

But I’m for Clarke, for Old Blue Ken, a Behemoth of an MP

That wonder amongst Tory men; Kenneth Harry Clarke QC

 …

Girl, you say, you’ve lost the plot, the bloke’s a cad, a Tory cove

But I say Ken is steaming hot, unlike yer Howard, or yer Gove

But Girl, you say, he’s of the Right!  It’s wrong, so wrong, in many ways

Come back, come back, in to the light!  This thing for Ken is just a phase

 …

Much like the Mosley years, I say (which episode was far from jolly)

Oh that, well, mmm, a tough one, hey, I’ll put it down to youthful folly

But Girl, our Kenneth’s not yer man, he’s not your type, your type at all

And come the day shits hits the fan he’d have you first against the wall

Er…

God help me!  Look how dextrously he fondles that big fat cigar

Kenneth, take a turn with me, in some cool posh flash racing car

Or take me, twitching, in your hide, or show me how to dance to jazz

What price street cred, left wing pride, who cares when you’re as randy as

 …

Oh, Ken, Your Corpulence, you’re cute, your chubby cheeks are so disarming

The way you burst out of your suit; so boyish, and so fatly charming

You’re bad!  You’re good! You speak your mind!  But really, here’s the nub of it

A forthright man is hard to find, and frankly

You don’t give a shit

 *

© Gail Foster 21st October 2016

 

(Oh come on, girls you must agree, he’s got it goin’ on, has Ken

Just Jemma Brown?  Just her and me? Much more of Ken for us two then

Bags me first dibs then, Jemma, hey, you can have him when I’m done

I’ll have him early in the day, and you can have a later one

He likes a pint or two, you know, well rather more than that methinks

Me, I’ll have his morning glow and you can take him out for drinks

But maybe, mate, one at a time, no threesomes, even though you’re lush

Ha ha Jemma, here’s yer rhyme, about my guilty Tory crush)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Trump Flowers

To the tune of ‘Nelly the Elephant’…

 

2,3,4…

 

With dismay

We watch as he has his say

This is the man who would spurn the Koran

And send all the Muslims away

 

One dark knight

Who makes his intentions plain

Force Mexicans all to build up a wall

So they’ll never be seen again

 

On telly the hierophant Donald Trump

Is ringmaster of his own circus

On and on like a trumpety skunk

Trump, Trump, Trump…

 

Donald the hierophant set off a trump

That stank out the political jungle

Blundering on like a trumpety chump

Trump, Chump, Trump

 

Off-white white, is the colour he has planned

For painting the stage for his mad charade

Across the American land

 

What new trick is he going to perform

How bad can it get?  We ain’t seen nothing yet

But the bonfires are awfully warm

 

The arrogant turd is appalling

Not far enough away

So wrong on the Right

With a haircut like sh*te

Followed through-out

The USA…

 

Oh…

 

On telly the hierophant Donald Trump

Is ringmaster of his own circus

On and on, like a trumpety skunk

Trump, Trump, Trump…

 

Donald the hierophant set off a trump

That stank out the political jungle

Blundering on like a trumpety chump

Trump, Trump, Trump…

 

 

by Gail