Matt Hancock

Cometh The Man 

On the occasion of Matt Hancock (who?) going into the jungle (what?)

Oh how our MPs entertain us
We are what we eat - and sustain us
Licking Boris's ring
Was an actual thing
And Nadine ate an ostrich's anus

Matt Hancock. Who cares? Who is he?
And where did you find him? (BB)
And what has he done? 
Blah, blah, trouserless fun
Blah, blah - ah, so a Tory MP

Good luck in the jungle! You're who?
Do watch out for the crocodile poo!
And the people who think
You're a wanker, wink wink
For the fans of a Tory are few

Who knows? He might prove to be good
Give some old Tory women some wood
Not that they'll see
Being more BBC
But I'm sure that they would if they could

Cometh the moment a van
In which cometh Matt Hancock who can
Come up with the goods
In the House or the woods
Where is he? He's coming! Oh man

© Gail Foster 2nd November 2022

Hancock Goes Shopping

Matt Hancock went down to the shop
With his knob out. ‘It’s OK I’ll pop
A mask on my face
And leave plenty of space
And I’ve got lots of flags on my top’

Matt Hancock, enjoying the breeze
Round his gonads, went round by the cheese
And selected salami
Some gherkins, pastrami
Some wonky bananas, and peas

Matt Hancock then picked up The Sun
And saw he was in it. ‘What fun!
And, may I say
What a glorious day
For getting, er…everything done!’

Matt Hancock skipped out to the car
Where his bird (altogether now, ah!)
Was waiting. ‘It’s hot’
She said, ‘and you forgot
Your trousers again. You’ll go far’

Matt Hancock relaxed in his seat
With his knob out, and put up his feet
On the dashboard. ‘Drive on’
He said, then they were gone
Leaving skidmarks all over the street

© Gail Foster 25th June 2021