Author: Gail

You Can’t Take It With You

You Can’t Take It With You

 

No one likes me any more

The wife and cat have fled

But I’ve got a wide screen telly

At the bottom of my bed

I was never very generous

Some folk called me tight

But I’ve got a wide screen telly

That keeps me warm at night

I kept up with the Joneses

I’m the rat that won the race

I got the biggest one I could

To rub it in their face

Now my only mates are Jeremy

And that nice girl Lorraine Kelly

They really look enormous

On an extra massive telly

Sometimes I feel lonely

In a world that’s really tiny

But at least I’ve got a telly

That is really big and shiny

Tonight I saw The Reaper

At the bottom of my bed

“Can I bring the telly with me?”

“No” he said

Election Dis Function

With apologies to good Tories, the merely misguided and those who are offended by swearing…

Election Dis Function

The parties are all over

Fat smug ladies have sung

Today we know our Parliament

Is not Well Hung

 

A loud triumphal snort was heard

As Georgie passed the line

We’ve got a Tory Government

And the rich will do just fine

 

Corks have been popping

Lemons have been sucked

We’ve got us a new Parliament

And the poor are F***ed

 

Farewell to the old guard

Their ghostly voices haunt the halls

Now there’s a new Government

That’s got no Balls

 

In the graveyard there’s an Edstone

Under which Nick sleeps uneasy

We’ve got us a new Parliament

And Farage is feeling queasy

 

Now we’ll all be shafted

By old Etonians and bankers

We’ve got a right wing Government

You put them there, you w***ers

 

Hoorah for the posh boys

Break out the champagne and the coke

You voted in the Tories!

What a f***ing joke